“Showbiz Tonight” on CNN.com had a clip of Brad Pitt when he was on Oprah. Oprah asked him how being a dad has changed his life. “I’m hard as nails,” Pitt said. “I’m impervious to poop, snot, urine [and] vomit.”

A.J. Hammer asked cohorts Carolina Bermudez and Lisa Bloom if they thought it was TMI - Too Much Information, or if Pitt was just being a typical father. Bermudez said, “Coming out of Brad Pitt’s mouth, it’s cute.” As a mother, Bloom said it just sounded like any other day for parents.

Babies. They eat. They poop. They cry. They throw up. They need to be warm. They need to have their diapers changed. This is the extent of my baby knowledge.

Whenever I hold a baby it cries. As young as they are, babies know a thing or two. They know who is NOT a parent. I am not a parent. Like dogs, babies can smell fear, and belt out their loudest fire-truck-siren-wail when placed in my arms. Then, due to their distressed state, they puke on me.

Three words that should never be used in the same sentence: Electric. Breast. Pump.

I bought a baby outfit for my friend. Not having a clue how the sizes work I bought one that looked, well, baby-sized. She really liked it but said it would be another three or four months before the baby could wear it because it was too big. She laid it next to one of his current outfits and it looked like a baby-shaped circus tent.

What you put into a baby’s mouth is not what will come out the other end. Somewhere in the middle, it turns into a noxious-smelling, sticky, brown goo. Carrots in, nuclear waste out.

Pacifiers really don’t pacify babies. It’s all a marketing scam.

Since babies can’t talk they can’t tell you what they want or what’s wrong. This completely freaks me out. When babies cry their parents seem to automatically know what it means. “That’s her hungry cry.” “He needs his diaper changed.” “He just wants to be held.” “She must be cold.” It is a sound. A sound that to me is the same no matter when the baby makes it. Are parents mind-readers? How do they know what cry it is? The Amazing Kreskin doesn’t even know what a baby’s cry means!

I tried to change a baby’s diaper once. I ended up putting it on backward. The baby didn’t seem to notice, but his mother got a kick out of my mistake.

You’ve probably guessed by now, but in case you’re wondering, I don’t have any kids. But I know exactly what my cats are saying when they meow. And they don’t require diaper changes.

Though I am in favor of energy deregulation, my political opinion is not a factor in this post; I am simply providing educational material on the subject.

“Deregulation” describes a change through which many companies compete to offer products and services that previously, under regulation, were offered through just one government-controlled company.

The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) is responsible for regulating interstate transmission services and interstate wholesale power transactions (sales to utilities for resale). The States regulate their investor-owned utilities’ retail sales.

In the past, the supply of electricity within a given geographic area was seen as a natural monopoly, and State public utility commissions awarded utilities exclusive franchise areas. They required utilities to serve all consumers in their franchise area at regulated rates, covering generation and delivery, based on cost of service. Depending on how much a customer was willing to pay, they could get power from cleaner burning natural gas plants, hydroelectric dams and renewable resources such as windmills.

During deregulation, the government does not withdraw entirely from a marketplace. Typically, some part of a service becomes open to competition while others do not. In air travel, for instance, the prices of tickets are unregulated, but many airport services, such as air traffic control, remain under strong government observation. In other industries, like telecommunications, deregulation began with long-distance services and is now expanding to other parts of the system.

The driver behind deregulation is the desire for lower energy prices. In the restructured marketplace, energy companies compete for customers, and consumers choose their power providers. Electricity may become something like gasoline at a convenience store - priced at a level to get people in the door so they will purchase other items with higher profit margins. It might be bundled with utilities such as natural gas, cable television, telephone and Internet access on a single monthly bill.

Many energy and economic analysts believe that companies will find innovative ways to cut costs and drop prices if they must compete for customers. Another reason analysts support deregulation is that they believe it will increase the reliability of the energy supply. Deregulating industries frequently attract new capital. Also, deregulating industries see an increase of the number of companies offering the product or service. Deregulation promotes new technology, and companies have more incentive to develop and introduce innovations because they can profit from those that succeed.

Deregulation in natural gas and electricity, as currently envisioned, does not involve the wires and pipelines through which customers receive services. These will remain controlled by government agencies. Many different companies will compete, however, to sell or supply the product - the actual electricity and natural gas.

After the previews, you see some strange but funny things - a crazy commercial for a product called “Booty Sweat,” a movie about gay monks with Tobey Maguire (”Spider Man”) and a movie about a very overweight, very flatulent family, a la Eddie Murphy’s “Nutty Professor,” with Jack Black playing all the characters. Don’t worry, you’re not in the wrong theatre. It’s all part of “Tropic Thunder’s” preparations.

“Tropic Thunder” was co-written and directed by actor Ben Stiller. He also directed 1994’s “Reality Bites” and 2001’s “Zoolander,” which he also starred in.

I thought Robert Downey, Jr. absolutely stole the show. His character, Kirk Lazarus, is an Australian actor who plays Sgt. Osiris, a black soldier, in the film. “I’m the dude playin’ the dude, disguised as another dude!” he says. Another classic is, “Man, I don’t drop character ’till I done the DVD commentary.”

Robert Downey, Jr. is a wonderful actor. I know he had some issues with substance abuse but I’m so glad he’s overcome that and is working in film again. I really loved the movie “Restoration” (1995), where he played a young physican named Robert Merivel in the 1600s.

Another funny character is studio executive Les Grossman, played by Tom Cruise. A balding, overweight and obnoxious man, Cruise throws curses and chubby fingers in everyone’s face. He does some pretty funny dancing at the end of the film.

The only thing I didn’t find so funny was Jack Black’s character, Jeff “Fats” Portnoy. I am a fan of Jack Black, especially in his role as Barry the record store clerk in 2000’s “High Fidelity” with John Cusack. I’m also a fan of Black’s band and TV show, both named Tenacious D, with actor/musician Kyle Gass. I was really disappointed with Black’s role in “Tropic Thunder.” It was partially his lines, and partially his insane acting. He did play an actor coming down from a heroin addiction, but it just wasn’t funnyl.

Stay during the credits: lots of funny things happen, so wait through them and you won’t be sorry.

If you want to see some other funny things, check out comedian Jim Gaffigan’s show on Comedy Central. And I also must recommend comedian Bill Engvall’s show on Comedy Central. I’d never seen Engvall before, but he sure is daggone funny, as he’d probably say. I laughed through the entire thing.

Tropic Thunder
Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus, who plays Sgt. Osiris
Jack Black - Jeff “Fats” Portnoy, the drug-addicted comedian/actor
Jay Baruchel - Character actor Kevin Sandusky, the only one who’s read the script
Brandon T. Jackson - Rapper Alpa Chino, promoter of “Booty Sweat” energy drinks, in his first acting role
Ben Stiller - Vetern actor Tugg Speedman
Steve Coogan - Damien Cockburn, the rookie movie director
Nick Nolte - John “Four Leaf” Tayback, who wrote the book “Tropic Thunder” on which the movie is based
Tom Cruise - Les Grossman, the obnoxious studio executive
Matthew McConaghey - Rick “Pecker” Peck, Tugg Speedman’s agent
Danny R. McBride - Cody Underwood, the crazy pyrotechnics guy

:30 PSA script written for the Columbus Filmmakers Consortium in Columbus, Ohio.

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FADE IN:

INT – DAY – BROWN BACKGROUND

Cropped headshot of MAN looking at camera. He looks happy and this is reflected in his voice.

MAN: Action!

INT – DAY – BROWN BACKGROUND

Headshot of MAN looking serious. He speaks in a serious voice, holding his finger in the air near his face.

MAN: Action.

INT – DAY – BROWN BACKGROUND

Headshot of MAN looking bored. He speaks in a bored tone of voice, rolling his eyes.

MAN: Action.

INT – DAY – BROWN BACKGROUND

Headshot of MAN grinning and holding a fat cigar in his hand. He smiles hugely and points the cigar at the camera. He speaks with a gruff voice.

MAN: Action.

INT – DAY – BROWN BACKGROUND

Headshot of MAN wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap which is on his head backwards. He speaks in a silly voice.

MAN: Action.

INT – DAY – BROWN BACKGROUND

Headshot of MAN holding his hands up like he is framing a shot. MAN yells.

MAN: Action!

INT – DAY – BROWN BACKGROUND

Shot of MAN looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. The brown background is actually the bathroom door. MAN grins at himself, giving himself a thumbs-up in the mirror. He speaks slowly and with enthusiasm, pronouncing the word in two syllables.

MAN: Ack-shun!

MAN nods his head at his reflection and points his finger at it as if to say, “You’re cool.” He speaks quietly.

MAN: Heyyyyyyyyy.

CUT TO TITLE FADE IN: Practice makes perfect.

TITLE FADE IN: COLUMBUS FILMMAKERS CONSORTIUM, WWW.THE CFC.ORG

END

This script was written as a university course project. Its intention would be to be produced as an informational video for the Columbus College of Art and Design in Columbus, Ohio.

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Black screen.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND.

Photograph of a Marc Chagall painting fades in.

Narrator: MARC CHAGALL.

Photo appears for 3 seconds, fades out.

Photograph of a Vincent Van Gogh painting fades in.

Narrator: VINCENT VAN GOGH.

Photo appears for 3 seconds, fades out.

Photograph of a Claude Monet painting fades in.

Narrator: CLAUDE MONET.

Photo appears for 3 seconds, fades out.

Photograph of a Edgar Degas painting fades in.

Narrator: EDGAR DEGAS.

Photo appears for 3 seconds, fades out.

Photograph of a student’s painting fades in.

Narrator: BOBBY MILLER.

RECORD NEEDLE SCRATCHING SOUND. Screen fades to black.

Screen dissolves to view of empty classroom, sun shining through the windows. HIP-HOP STYLE MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY IN BACKGROUND.

Narrator: THE COLUMBUS COLLEGE OF ART AND DESIGN HAS OFFERED ART INSTRUCTION TO AREA YOUTH SINCE 1880.

Fast-motion effect as students rush into the classroom, pick up their art supplie sand take their seats.

Narrator: SATURDAY MORNING ART CLASSES AT CCAD OFFER ART INSTRUCTION FOR STUDENTS THROUGHOUT CENTRAL OHIO.

HIP-HOP MUSIC FADES. INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC BEGINS PLAYING IN BACKGROUND.

Screen dissolves to show shots of the campus’ buildings.

Narrator: CCAD’S SATURDAY SCHOOL PROGRAM ENABLES YOUTH IN GRADES ONE THROUGH TWELVE TO DEVELOP SUPERIOR SKILLS AND GAIN A STRONG BACKGROUND IN THE VISUAL ARTS.

Screen dissolves to shots of faculty members and current students teaching children.

Narrator: CCAD FACULTY AND AREA ARTS PROFESSIONALS PROVIDE INSTRUCTION WITH CCAD STUDENTS ASSISTING IN THE CLASSROOM.

Narrator: CHILDREN ARE GUIDED THROUGH DIVERSE ARTISTIC EXPERIENCES DESIGNED TO INCREASE THEIR SKILL LEVEL AND EXPOSURE TO A WIDE VARIETY OF TECHNIQUES AND MEDIA.

Camera shot of student’s hand painting, slowly moves up the student’s arm to his face and shows the concentration in his face.

Narrator: THE PROGRAM ENCOURAGES CREATIVITY AND IMAGINATION. AESTHETIC AND CULTURAL SENSITIVITY ARE EXPANDED AS THE PROGRAM STIMULATES INTEREST IN THE VISUAL ARTS.

Shot of a line drawing done by a student.

Narrator: STUDENTS TAKE CLASSES SUCH AS DRAWING…

Shot of a painting done by a student.

Narrator: PAINTING…

Shot of a photograph taken by a student.

Narrator: PHOTOGRAPHY…

Shot of a ceramic piece done by a student.

Narrator: CERAMICS…

Shot of a silkscreen print done by a student.

Narrator: SILKSCREEN…

Shot of an intaglio print done by a student.

Narrator: AND INTAGLIO.

Screen fades to shots of the front of the museum’s scuplture garden.

Narrator: VISITING ARTIST PROGRAMS, GALLERY AND VISITS AND WORKSHOPS FOR PARENTS TO ROUND OUT THE PROGRAM.

Shot of children sitting around a table with a vase of flowers on it, the children are drawing.

Narrator: STUDENTS DEMONSTRATING EXCEPTIONAL ARTISTIC TALENT MAY BE OFFERED FULL OR PARTIAL SCHOLARSHIPS TO THE CCAD SATURDAY SCHOOL PROGRAM.

Screen fades to shot of children working and talking in the classroom.

Narrator: THE SATURDAY SCHOOL PROGRAM AT CCAD NOT ONLY TEACHES STUDENTS ABOUT ART, BUT ALSO TEACHES STUDENTS ABOUT THEMSELVES.

Shot of student sharing paint with a fellow student.

Narrator: STUDENTS MAKE FRIENDS WITH SIMILAR INTERESTS AND LEARN THE CONCEPTS OF SHARING, ACCEPTANCE AND SUPPORT.

Shot of student, Alicia, age 9, giving a testimonial.

Alicia: I HAVE MADE LOTS OF FRIENDS IN SATURDAY SCHOOL.

Shot of Joseph, age 12, giving a testimonial.

Joseph: I WANT TO BE A FAMOUS ARTIST SOMEDAY. LIKE VINCENT VAN GOGH.

Shot of Mary, parent of one of the students.

Mary: “MY SON HAS REALLY BECOME A MORE OUT-GOING CHILD SINCE HE STARTED TAKING SATURDAY CLASSES. HE’S NOT SO SHY ANYMORE.”

Dissolve to black screen.

INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC FADES OUT. HIP-HOP MUSIC FADES BACK IN.

Dissolve to shot of students running up to their parents, showing them their pictures.

Narratro: ART IS FUN FOR ALL AGES. THE SATURDAY SCHOOL PROGRAM AT CCAD IS OPEN TO ALL STUDENTS IN GRADES ONE THROUGH TWELVE.

Narrator: TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN, PARENTS OR TEACHERS ABOUT THE PROGRAM. YOU CAN ALSO VISIT OUR WEB SITE AT WWW.CCAD.EDU.

Shot of a young student’s holding up his picture of a person with a smile on its face.

CHILDREN GIGGLING IN BACKGROUND.

Narrator: WHO KNOWS WHERE THE WORLD WILL FIND THE NEXT MICHELANGELO?

Screen fades to black. HIP-HOP MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY.

www.ccad.edu appears in white letters on the screen for 5 seconds before fading out.

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Top Ten Tips for Flyers and Direct Mail

1. Who is your audience? By defining who will be reading your communications, you can establish the right type of wording to use. What is the average age of your customer? What is the education level of your average customer?

2. Use what you’ve got. Your company letterhead or logo can make a great header on 8½ x 11 paper.

3. Using keywords like “Current Promotions”, “What’s New”, or “Great Rates” will attract your clients’ attention. Use lines with all capital letters sparingly. They are often difficult to read.

4. Use bullets to highlight the details of your business.

5. Always include a contact name, telephone number, fax number, and email address (if applicable).

6. Be sure to use clip art that is complimentary to your flyer. Do not use more than one piece of clip art if you have a header or logo on your flyer. Clip art should not be any larger than your company logo, or 2” in diameter.

7. Your company logo should be the focal point in the clients’ minds, not your clip art. Clip art should be placed in the lower right- or left-hand corner of your flyer so it is not a distraction.

8. Use easy-to-read typefaces, such as Arial or Times New Roman. Big, bold typefaces are great for highlighting why it’s great to do business with your company, and mixing typefaces can add interest.

9. Keep it professional. Simply tell your client what you have to offer.

10. Get a second, or third, opinion: have several people look at your flyer and ask if it captured their attention.

Source: Graphic Communications Today, third edition, by Theodore E. Conover

Flat panel TVs are slim, stylish and, despite their large size, easily suit any room. At only a few inches deep, flat panels can be installed on a wall or in a ceiling, leaving more room for furniture and providing a “picture frame” appearance that fits with almost any decor. Many widescreen TVs even have built-in DVD players.

Plasma and HD televisions offer higher resolution than traditional picture tube televisions and they have other features such as anti-glare coatings, smoother screen appearance and a more accurate picture. Unlike standard picture tube sets, LCD and plasma televisions do not suffer from screen burn. The images are seamless and their color is exceptional.

Like standard televisions, flat screens are measured diagonally. They are available in sizes from 37″ to 103″. The most common sizes include 37″, 42″, 50″, 58″, 60″, and 65″ screens. Be sure to measure for adequate space to install the television before purchasing.

Screens larger than 65″ are generally rear-projection televisions (RPTV). These screens project the image from the front of the screen, like a projector in a movie theatre. RPTVs offer flat screens for viewing, but in general, are deeper than plasma TVs due to the electronics necessary to run them.

When recessing a flat panel TV, allow at least three inches of open space at the top and adequate ventilation space behind it to allow heat to escape. Remember to allow an additional three to six inches on either side of the monitor if you wish to attach speakers (if they are not already built in).

To ensure a proper viewing experience, arrange seating areas for 37″ screens from six to 10 feet away from the monitor. A 42″ plasma TV is best viewed from a distance of eight to 12 feet.

From paper plates to fine china, dinnerware is as unique as the food we cook. Casual dinnerware sets are available in various materials and price ranges. Most casual dinnerware is now virtually unbreakable, and many artists, chefs and designers have added their own personal flair to dinnerware to make it match almost any decor.

Porcelain is made from clay. It can be used to make everything from dinnerware to dental work. Once complete porcelain pieces are fired to hardness and are available in a variety of colors but the most popular color is white. It is great for dinnerware as it is strong and break-resistant. It is also favored for its translucence. Because of its fine quality, porcelain can be more expensive than other casual dinnerware and is often considered fine dinnerware.

Stoneware is also made from clay, but is basically manmade stone. It doesn’t require as much heat to fire as porcelain does. It generally comes in a gray or brown color because of impurities in the clay. Glaze can be applied to stoneware to give it a shiny appearance. Due to its strength, stoneware can last a very long time given proper care. Stoneware is great for everyday dining and is dishwasher safe.

Earthenware is commonly used for making pottery. It is made of a mix of materials including clay and the minerals quartz and feldspar. Most earthenware is red in color, but lighter colors of brown are also popular. It is weaker than stoneware or porcelain and can easily break. It must have a glaze fired over its surface in order to be waterproof. The most popular form of earthenware is called terra cotta, which is often used to create flower pots.

When choosing a casual dinnerware set, consider the cost. Porcelain is beautiful, but may be more expensive than other materials. Stoneware is durable and scratch-resistant. When it is glazed it is even stronger. Stoneware can be found in interesting colors and often with raised designs. Stoneware also comes in various forms, from casual everyday dinnerware to more formal dinnerware. It is an excellent choice for both cost and longevity.

Some of the most popular makers of casual dinnerware include Pfaltzgraff, Corelle, Fiesta and Gibson. Some professional chefs have also signed their names to casual dinnerware, including Gordon Ramsey, Rachael Ray, George Foreman and Emeril Lagasse.

Casual dinnerware sets can be purchased at a variety of retail stores. For those who enjoy shopping online, you can find many types of casual dinnerware at retail stores’ web sites, as well as Amazon.com and eBay.

No matter what type of dinnerware you’re looking for, you’re sure to find a casual dinnerware set that fits your style…and your budget.

Copper has been an extremely important mineral for thousands of years. It has been used for conducting heat and electricity. It has also been used to create art, building materials and coins.

Copper coins first appeared in the United States in the late 1700s. The US penny was named after the British penny, or pence.

Though it seems like small change, in its day the half-cent could actually purchase items of value: it was the equivalent of today’s dime.

Compared to today’s coins, early coins were heavy and the designs were much simpler. The half-cent was about the size of today’s quarter coin. Each one featured the face of Lady Liberty.

The first copper coin design was known as the “Chain” cent. It featured a relief of the head of the Lady Liberty with her hair flowing in the wind. The back of the coin shows a loop of chain links. Unfortunately the coins were seen as Liberty in fear of the chains, which represented bondage and slavery.

Due to the negative reactions of the American people, the chain links were replaced with a wreath. In 1973 the “Wreath” cent became the main copper coinage in the United States.

In 1794, a new coin was introduced. It was called the “Liberty Cap.” It was an interesting design with Liberty wearing a crown of leaves on her head and is now considered very rare. The coin’s weight was reduced and featured a plain edge versus the “gripped edge” some previous coins had.

During a copper shortage in 1795, President George Washington made a Proclamation reducing the weight of cents and half-cents. As a result many of theses coins where made much thinner and didn’t have edge lettering.

A coin depicting a bust of Liberty wearing a shawl draped around her shoulders was minted in 1796. This was called the “Draped Bust.” The “Classic Head” cent was minted from 1808 to 1814 and the “Matron Head” design appeared in 1816. The “Classic” and “Matron” designs featured a very Greek-looking Liberty, with curled hair and a crown.

Several coins were minted after the mid-1800s. They included various designs, such as the “Braided Hair” half-cent, where Liberty’s hair is braided around her crown. Other coins during this time period featured various versions of wreaths, the addition of stars around Liberty’s head and edge lettering or numbering.

With the increasing prices of copper and labor to mint the coins, half cent coins were discontinued forever in 1857. Two-cent and three-cent coins were considered by the US government, but were not of interest to the American people and neither was the half-cent coin.

Skin tags can occur on any part of the body, generally in areas where the skin forms creases, including the neck, under the arms and on the eyelids.

Because they can cause irritation or cosmetic concerns, it is common to have skin tags removed by a physician. At [name of facility] our skilled and experienced doctors provide virtually pain-free skin tag removal.

Skin tags can be removed by freezing or cauterizing. Small tags can be removed easily without anesthesia while larger growths may require some local anesthesia prior to removal.